What is this world coming to?!?!?We are not even safe in our pantry or kitchen!
I just survived a sneak attack by what I am just sure was a terrorist 12-pack of store-brand soda pop!
You've seen 'em ... lurking innocently and unexpectantly among the lower shelves near the far end of aisle 15 ... separated from those big budget advertising giants of the Cola Wars ... these are not the generics ... they are the middle-class of sodas! A common regional brand, usually associated with a grocery chain. In my area, the bottler that has been infiltrated by the subversive 12-can-fridge-pak is ... SHASTA!
The fridge-paks do not work well in my little 12 cu ft icebox, so I keep the fridge-paks of soda neatly stored on their own shelf in the pantry. I carefully and lovingly place a few at a time in the dark and cold confines of the refrigerator. Having taken the last cold pop from the icebox, I went to the pantry in order to recruit three or four cans for fridge duty in case I should want a cold one this evening ...
Stepping briskly into the pantry I discovered there was only one can left in the open fridge-pak on the shelf. I boldly reached for the unopened 12-pack ... and firmly grasped the slightly perforated tab of the packaging to open the access panel. With a swift and practiced motion, I tore the access panel open in one fluid sweep of my hand. As I reached for the exposed can, the terrorist soda pops sprung their trap.
Bursting through the glued seam at the end of the carton the pop cans attacked me! Rushing out of the package in a stampede they sprang out of the 12-pack, dove off the shelf, and targeted the toes of my bare feet. Nine of them were successful escaping, plus they snatched the last can from the previous fridge-pak that I was holding in my other hand ... taking it hostage!
In spite of my battered toes, I jumped to the side and grabbed my Swiffer™ dust mop, and beat the terrorist soda cans into submission! I was able to recover the hostage soda pop unharmed and gingerly placed it on a secure shelf in the icebox. With the Swiffer™ at my side I rounded up all the renegade cans and stuffed them into the empty undamaged fridge-pak.
All's well. The terrorist soda pops are once again in confinement. They are now under heavy guard by the Swiffer™ and his pal the Clorox® Disinfecting Wipes. Tahoe is once again safe from subversive soft drinks!
